Sunday, July 13, 2003
So much to say. where shld one start.
it has been a hell of a busy mth and i still have lots of work to done. but sumthing exceptionally intrusive happened today. well lets start with yesterday, went to dye my hair and the end result made me look like a "beng" but i guess its better with my specs on. ergo(adj : therefore) the followin day i bought a spankin new pair of shoes...casual type. den i chilled out with sum guys in town...i went back home and was supposed to meet diff grps of pple but i didnt decide which grp or person to go back with. finally i chose to meet ck at mrt fer the concert later. said she was meetin jw too and i was alittle apprehensive as there might be sum awkwardness. BOY (was i god dammit wrong) den i went back home fer a quick nap n ended up late by 15 mins. when i was at the mrt she told me that she was at the bus STop which was just beside. i sms n said WAIT! and she replied HUH! so i was like WTF man..n hurried over but she left...i did saw jw when i was at the mrt as i think he was late too but i looked away.
Later on, i met a girl at her house and her dad drove us instead....at the old school i saw ck avoid me once. i tell you my heart started bleedin...but alls well...i was cool abt everything and the blow came ONLY when i saw her get off backstage and sat in the audience in front of me with another guy. Look the pt here is the guy's name was ka leong or sumthing (miraculously tat i remember when i didnt have a single clue just less den a min ago) and when she first stab me in the heart 3 yrs ago by choosin another guy i couldnt accept it until a yr later when i figured the guy was prolly superior in sum ways. BUT THIS SON OF A GUN IS AT LEAST 10 times inferior in comparsion to me. sum super loser who took 5 or dunnoe 6 yrs to complete his sec edu. i know its wrong to look down on pple but u know there will be sum dirt lousy hopeless pple in the every school..well he belongs to the former. what is she thinkin? she is the school's top student. so i was still cool...den i offered to send her home straight after the concert( and in the process turnin down all invitations for clubbin, supper or whateva after the concert, thats how crazy i am abt her.) but she said No...tat her friend is sendin her home! we can all guess who tat s-o-b is. well fine except fer the fact tat she seems to be showin the guy the msg i sent..(or am i being paranoid here, still my instinct are too refined..so i trust myself on tis). by then i was si crashed that i didnt know what to say.
Lastly i broke a rule or principle i had for myself...becuz i was anti smokin in my sec school days..i didnt even bring cigg out with me fer fear i cant control and will end up smokin outside school(which will be no diff frm the pple i condemm as Losers in the sec school days) but becuz i was so depress i took a stick frm anyother guy i hardly knew but was frm my yr. im angry that i compromised myself.
After the concert ended. i realised i didnt talk to her the whole time bt i did chat awhile with S.C. so i made a call she didnt pick up.. i tried again..tis time she didnt..seems like she was laughin at my foolish fer callin her. i felt like a spas..but anway i said my byes to her...and deep down i know tis is it..the end of 3 yrs of souless wandering on my part. den she forwarded me sum shit abt i dunnoe what..but the jest of it is tat "tis is the end and i am happy and will not forget all the memories blah blah blah" FUCK...so i went fer super n the movie. i didnt really watch the movie...was thinkin abt her...n after that took a 20 mins walk home alone. by the time i hit the shower..everything sank in and i realised the SHIT HAS NOW TRULY HIT THE FAN. i cried..in the shower...so hard..so much.. that in the end...i vomitted blood. i know deep down that will be the only time in my life i will ever cry so hard...fer any other girl..and i think its not worth that i spent myself on her. nowadays i dont even try to go into a relationship... have already turned 2 girls away and why? im tired...really i dont blame the s-o-b loser fer lurin her away..neither do i blame her for her flicker mindness as i knew all these b4...due to my really perceptive intuition. but im a stuborn man..once i get into a relationship..the more im in it..the more i sink. i dont blame myself any more...the endless waltz of void inside shall not be healed in years to come...till maybe i meet the right one and get married and my children could perhaps heal. but now im a broken man who will strife...fer his future. Be Strong kelvin. Be Strong my friend.
here were sum good stuff...looked ard the new structure of the school, chatted with old friends and all matter of fact we had supper n movie after the concert all of which was enjoyable..(i caught T3:terminator)
it has been a hell of a busy mth and i still have lots of work to done. but sumthing exceptionally intrusive happened today. well lets start with yesterday, went to dye my hair and the end result made me look like a "beng" but i guess its better with my specs on. ergo(adj : therefore) the followin day i bought a spankin new pair of shoes...casual type. den i chilled out with sum guys in town...i went back home and was supposed to meet diff grps of pple but i didnt decide which grp or person to go back with. finally i chose to meet ck at mrt fer the concert later. said she was meetin jw too and i was alittle apprehensive as there might be sum awkwardness. BOY (was i god dammit wrong) den i went back home fer a quick nap n ended up late by 15 mins. when i was at the mrt she told me that she was at the bus STop which was just beside. i sms n said WAIT! and she replied HUH! so i was like WTF man..n hurried over but she left...i did saw jw when i was at the mrt as i think he was late too but i looked away.
Later on, i met a girl at her house and her dad drove us instead....at the old school i saw ck avoid me once. i tell you my heart started bleedin...but alls well...i was cool abt everything and the blow came ONLY when i saw her get off backstage and sat in the audience in front of me with another guy. Look the pt here is the guy's name was ka leong or sumthing (miraculously tat i remember when i didnt have a single clue just less den a min ago) and when she first stab me in the heart 3 yrs ago by choosin another guy i couldnt accept it until a yr later when i figured the guy was prolly superior in sum ways. BUT THIS SON OF A GUN IS AT LEAST 10 times inferior in comparsion to me. sum super loser who took 5 or dunnoe 6 yrs to complete his sec edu. i know its wrong to look down on pple but u know there will be sum dirt lousy hopeless pple in the every school..well he belongs to the former. what is she thinkin? she is the school's top student. so i was still cool...den i offered to send her home straight after the concert( and in the process turnin down all invitations for clubbin, supper or whateva after the concert, thats how crazy i am abt her.) but she said No...tat her friend is sendin her home! we can all guess who tat s-o-b is. well fine except fer the fact tat she seems to be showin the guy the msg i sent..(or am i being paranoid here, still my instinct are too refined..so i trust myself on tis). by then i was si crashed that i didnt know what to say.
Lastly i broke a rule or principle i had for myself...becuz i was anti smokin in my sec school days..i didnt even bring cigg out with me fer fear i cant control and will end up smokin outside school(which will be no diff frm the pple i condemm as Losers in the sec school days) but becuz i was so depress i took a stick frm anyother guy i hardly knew but was frm my yr. im angry that i compromised myself.
After the concert ended. i realised i didnt talk to her the whole time bt i did chat awhile with S.C. so i made a call she didnt pick up.. i tried again..tis time she didnt..seems like she was laughin at my foolish fer callin her. i felt like a spas..but anway i said my byes to her...and deep down i know tis is it..the end of 3 yrs of souless wandering on my part. den she forwarded me sum shit abt i dunnoe what..but the jest of it is tat "tis is the end and i am happy and will not forget all the memories blah blah blah" FUCK...so i went fer super n the movie. i didnt really watch the movie...was thinkin abt her...n after that took a 20 mins walk home alone. by the time i hit the shower..everything sank in and i realised the SHIT HAS NOW TRULY HIT THE FAN. i cried..in the shower...so hard..so much.. that in the end...i vomitted blood. i know deep down that will be the only time in my life i will ever cry so hard...fer any other girl..and i think its not worth that i spent myself on her. nowadays i dont even try to go into a relationship... have already turned 2 girls away and why? im tired...really i dont blame the s-o-b loser fer lurin her away..neither do i blame her for her flicker mindness as i knew all these b4...due to my really perceptive intuition. but im a stuborn man..once i get into a relationship..the more im in it..the more i sink. i dont blame myself any more...the endless waltz of void inside shall not be healed in years to come...till maybe i meet the right one and get married and my children could perhaps heal. but now im a broken man who will strife...fer his future. Be Strong kelvin. Be Strong my friend.
here were sum good stuff...looked ard the new structure of the school, chatted with old friends and all matter of fact we had supper n movie after the concert all of which was enjoyable..(i caught T3:terminator)
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